Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
