Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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