There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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