Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
