Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
