i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
