dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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