lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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