one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
