I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
