ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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