JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
