THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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