so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
