So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
