Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
