I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
