clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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