Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
