Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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