I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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