My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
