My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
