How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
