How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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