That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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