I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
