it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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