I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
