I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
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