I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
