just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your cock deserves a montage
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
