I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
worst night to have a conscience
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
