He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
