Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
