i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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