Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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