I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
