My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
