even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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