I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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