If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
