I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
