Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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