Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
