Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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