Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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