I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
