Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
