ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Boobs are out for the taking
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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