awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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