: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
