since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
