my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
