Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
