Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
