Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
