Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
