We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
