I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
