Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
