I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
